I wrote this essay as part of Write of Passage, a cohort-based course for online writers I took part in October 2023. I published 4 essays over 5 weeks and learned a ton on the writing craft.
I’m a recovering workaholic.
For the longest time in my 20’s, I equated being productive with working at high-speed and with a caffeine-induced vigor and intensity.
Here’s what a typical day looked like for me 5 years ago:
I’d wake up at 5:00am, snoozing 1 of 6 iPhone alarm clocks spaced apart by a minute each, and zombie-walk to the kitchen to prepare myself a glass of water with a pink scoop of GAT Nitraflex Preworkout.
After hacking together a quick breakfast of oats and honey, I’d head to the gym for 2 hours of heavy compound lifts like benching and squatting, and with terrible injury-inducing form, of course. I’d rush to finish my workouts just so I could be at a coffee shop by 7:30am to start work, not for any practical reasons, but more so to feel a sense of accomplishment and superiority.
At this point, my central nervous system is firing on all cylinders, and my day is just getting started. I’d spend the next 12 hours sitting in the corner of a jam-packed downtown Starbucks grinding through my to-do list, and of course, fueled by at least 2-3 coffees for that extra dopamine rush I craved.
Sometime around 8pm, I’d take the public transit line and head home, with my eyes glued to my phone. Once home, it’s burgers and fries for dinner, TV for a couple of hours then scrolling myself to sleep on social media, only to do it all again the next day.
I felt like shit all the time. After suffering through never-ending bouts of burnout, insomnia, anxiety and depression, I began seeing a psychotherapist, and also a health coach. Working with these professionals changed my life in ways that are difficult to convey in a short essay, but one of the biggest realizations I had was that I could still be productive, and create things of value, even if I moved slowly.
Over time, I stopped relying on caffeine, preworkout, and other stimulants to blitz through time and deplete my energy meters. Instead, I moved slower and with more intention. I began cooking my own meals 3x a day, prioritizing 8-9 hours of sleep, going on frequent walks (even during the harsh Canadian winters), and reconnecting with my hobbies.
Don’t get me wrong. I have my off days, and it’s a constant battle; I still hear the voice of my inner Drill Sergeant berating me at the top of his lungs to stop wasting time and get to work. Sometimes he has a point, but he has a toxic method of delivering that message which I’ve been developing defenses against.
Our fast-paced world condemns slow, intentional work and celebrates, even rewards, speed. Pick up your phone and scroll through Instagram, YouTube, Twitter or TikTok, and you’ll find a never ending stream of 20-somethings rambling about how many hours they work, with their rented yellow Lamborghinis in the backdrop.
Instead of hustling 24/7, pace yourself. I’m not advocating against working hard, but grinding yourself down to the bone is going to make you miserable, and completely destroy your productive capacity. You think the caffeine overload is helping you but it’s really just a debt you’ve taken on sleep and restfulness that you’ll need to pay off later. Eventually, all the pushing and forcing will kill your drive and the luster in your life.
If you’ve read this far, here’s my challenge to you: Try a Dopamine Fast this weekend. Don’t use your phone, laptop or any piece of technology for a full day. Stay in the present moment when with friends and family, or while doing something you love for it’s own sake. The point of this exercise is to normalize your brain’s dopamine levels, and train yourself to unplug from our fast-paced digital world by doing things that relax and energize you instead.
Doing a dopamine fast will give you a taste of what moving slowly feels like. It felt foreign to me at first, but as a former adrenaline junkie, I now see its merit. What’s more important is recognizing that we get to choose when to move fast vs. slow—and that each of us has to find our own balance, regardless of what the hustle-porn content creators have to say.